Dear Zazz: A newlywed recently wrote to you saying: "I see nothingwrong with using the toilet while my husband is also in the bathroom.My mom tells me I'm crazy. She says, `There are things a woman shouldnever do in front of her man.' "
Zazz, I couldn't believe you agreed with her mother! You replied:"Even if your husband says he doesn't mind seeing you on the toilet,that's not the image of you that you want him to hold in his mind."You also gave this advice to women: "Never pick your pimples, shaveyour underarms or wax your mustache in front of your man. Remember:He wasn't watching you do any of those things when he fell in lovewith you."
What? Are you mental? Your advice reminds me of the pap they usedto brainwash into girls' heads in home economics classes: "Don't dothings to shatter a man's feminine image of you."
What happens if one partner becomes disabled, and the other has tobathe her, shave her or eeek, help her go potty? What a narrow-minded column!
S.T.
Dear Zazz: You advised that newlywed to maintain her husband's"image" of her, as opposed to seeing her as she really is: human.
He's in for a real surprise if he watches her give birth. That's areal image-buster. My husband was there to catch both our children,bare-handed, when they were born.
By the way, when I recently had major back surgery at age 32, myhusband shaved my legs, bathed me and more. (I won't frighten youwith the details).
NOT HIDING
Dear Zazz: You should be able to do anything and everything infront of your mate. What kind of message are you sending to men? Thatwomen should be pretty little Barbie dolls? No wonder women sufferfrom anxiety disorders and depression!
Yes, we go to the bathroom, pass gas, burp and vomit. And if weare ever incapacitated, our husbands will have to wipe our chins orother body parts. Get real, Zazz!
A.S.
Dear Readers: I got many angry letters and e-mails in response tothat column, including several from people vowing they'd never readmy column again. So those people won't be reading what I'm about towrite, which is:
I understand why my answer angered and frustrated some readers. Iwas being flip and I used the word "never," which I never should havedone.
I showed my wife my original column, and the pile of readerresponses. She shook her head and snapped at me, quite smartly: "Yougave terrible advice! If a couple is comfortable going to thebathroom or shaving their underarms in front of each other, who areyou to tell them otherwise? Some couples are very happy sharingtoothbrushes! That's their business. Now leave me alone in here. I'vegot to go."
My wife is right. And certainly, the letter-writers above makeexcellent points.
For the record, yes, I was there for the births of my three kids.But no, my wife and I do not join (or watch) each other in thebathroom. If we ever feel the need to watch something graphic, weprefer to flip through our TV's cable channels.
Write Zazz at Box 3455, Chicago 60654; call Zazz's hotline (312-321-2003) or e-mail (zazz@suntimes.com).
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